thoughts from my last day at datacom

everyone is being extra nice.

i got taken out to coffee and a bottle of wine and a giant (although relatively empty)  card.

im sad at losing my work music playlist. it only has 2959 songs on it, but it has been about a year in the building. just flicking through now and i love every song that it randomly falls on. it is balanced so well. lots of smiths and morrissey, a heavy proportion of metal mixed with lots of pumpkins and pixies, while being intersected with works from chopin to wagner to orignal eairly 90’s metal. let alone the skinny puppy to distillers additions.

it all has been slowly bought in from home, which is quite a cool way to do it. for at home i normally just listen to albums etc selected from a playlist containing everything in my library. hopefully i can devise a system that would allow for many smaller random collections.

other things i will miss:

emporio being 20 meters away. its so nice to be able to walk into the coffee shop in the morning, sit down and have then just bring you a coffee. its more amusing when gavin, my workmate, walks in and the guy has to ask him ‘one or two?’.

ahh having a morning routine. coming in, checking your dailys (del.icio.us\rekarnar\daily), implementing the soultion to the problem you were stuck on at cob that you solved in your sleep or in the shower or some such and then moving into the rest of the days dev. balancing the urge to check the ten other webcomics or news site/blogs that you know you have to read sometime soon between finishing the current algorithm your coding before you lose the flow.

free friday lunches! today is subway, last week was pizza. beer and wine at 4. donuts on mondays. ahh you are looked after in the corporate world. feed them inhouse that way they will not take a lunch break and will get right back to work. the cost of lunch eaisly balances out the extra 30-60mins work you get from employees.

adrift in the sea of this life. letting go, very exciting. oh where will it take me. fittingly current music: Wagner – The Ride of the Valkyries. very epic.

ahhh and in speaking of that. i just got a call from avatar. right this second. they have work for me on monday, my was to be first day of un-empolyment. maby im ment to be an actor loal.

hrm.. ok desk cleaned. all the stuff i needed backed up to my ipod. random bits of paper i want in my bag. i think im ready to leave. ill stay around for drinks at 4 and maby a good by or two. there is some people i will miss my casual acquaintance with (most likely at least .

what a life changing few days eh. also last night my flatmates found an awesome house to move into. so chances are we’ll all be moving in a few weeks. wow. lyall bay so im told. what an enthralling trip life is.

“I’ll show you what he did, But I won’t take the credit, It’s not mine anyway, I just held the pen that day” - Flyleaf.

such a spectrum of emotions you can feel at once eh.

also. how amazing is water? not sure? well then ill tell you. its pretty damn amazing!!!

fish water and social blogging.

sometimes i say things to gauge or even to entice a response, known or unknown out of people.

take for example the title of this post, and also the first sentence. this because it seems in reference to the fish water comment of the title, which in fact, it is not. it was merely a thinly disguised ruse to fool you into a semi comedical moment.

for while discussing fish water, this very morning, with my flatmate grg on our daily walk to work, i casually snuck out a reference to casual blogging. thus instantly receiving an opposed opinion. alas it happened to be the end of our walk, as out parting point was reached, nevertheless the ‘argument’ is interesting, although maby somewhat futile. as the context in which we both form our ideas is different and hence may not be directly compared. although i do feel you can argue some of the abstract points and so gain a shade of index between both stances.

purpose vs social. are they so different?

ps. the irony is that you just read a post about posts not of this nature, thus the first sentence applied the title, applies to this whole post now. how amusing.

currently

this feeling i can sense, i can feel, it is there, words cannot describe it. a greatness, an epic scope. life itself changed. a meanings consequences without knowing the meaning. does it matter? is knowing the question everything? or the scope, the context is it all that is needed?

beauty found in such odd places. the lost and last, the pure and unpretense’d.

who are we to define a system greater than us.

almost somewhere

sometimes i get the feeling that sitting at my desk isnt enough. that something is happening some where in the world. something that is great. this isolation of a cubicle. although i am physically separated, the boundary’s in essence are only in my mind. i guess thats just the mild depression and or anxiety from sitting here for so long today, staring out the windows to the beautiful wellington sunny day. having done next to no practicle work, while reading amasing posts (such as anything from Rory) and aspiring to maby distant great heights.

i might go make a milkshake. in fact yes. milkshakes are happy. i keep a container of milkshake making powder stuff on my desk for just this reason. so when i feel like a milkshake is required i may just make the quick walk down the corridor to the kitchen and take a bottle of milk. simple.

.

sometimes i get worried about work, ever since i got back from my trip overseas i have been feeling restless. i was hoping with spending the first weeks ish back sick, that i might of died down. but generally, internally, im on fire. i always get visions of stuff from the trip, random memories. enough to make this sitting at a desk uncomfortable. so anyway i sit here, at a desk, at the top of cuba street, in the capital of new zealand, wellington. maby its my soul that is stiring. that no longer wants to be left at home. im not sure if writing helps, i guess it does a little. i dream off, and this page is left here…

home, something, home.

so back home now, one day i might post some more stuff about the trip, i did write a bit while traveling, and also some more when i got home. im feeling rather weird now tho, a little out of place. everything seems a little enchanced. im not sure weither its from the change of getting back home and into the work routine, or the chance to relax and pray and spend some time reading the scriptures again. i feel it might be a bit of both.

i think its reslessness im feeling, a need to get something done. i might of been complacent, really now i do feel an urgency, maby not in the global sense yet, but locally, yes.  like a drive to do something for something, for a greater cause. not just action for action. a piece in the greater plan. i feel as though something needs to be done. thought out, made.

i just got a gmail from mck, linking me to the new sp song played at the frist orange peel show. going to watch that now.

thought progression

i find that in the normal day to day like i just seem to coast along. sure i think and create and solve problems, but i really tend to make no real humandevelopment. no real progression of my self. towards a more conscious thinking person. now thinking this i find that this is thought progression, the very such that i am writing about and come to realise that all is needed is a few minutes pure thinking time each day. i really have been telling myself this for years, but in practice its quite hard, as living and doing seem to becontrary. i need to just stop, or be alone, and or in an intellectual conversation. and just think. to evolve. to progress as a person. i guess this blog really helps for that, that is whenever i get a chance to write, or when ever i make the time. since i cant really blame external sources. since my time is notefficiently used 100% percent, so therefore taking 5 or 10 minutes to write this is just making time that i would of otherwise not noticed or just plainly wasted. one mustalways be moving forwards. stagnation is decline.

but how?

sitting at my desk on a friday afternoon i cant help but feel a little depressed. there is a container box just on the opposite desk, on used for moving stuff. it has a sign on it saying …’failure to return this container weill incur a charge of $85′. now, i cant help but think where this has come from. and if someone did pay for this 85$? maby the box was given away after it lived out its usefulness? it not, it is currently on loan? it dosent seem like it. maby someone just took it, and from then on its just been passed around from this to that, cleverly disguising the trail. will they ever get their money? how? sure they could sue someone/ but really.

in a way this kinda depress me, i think of all the free people out there. the people that would not borrow the box or pay the 85$ if it gets lost. and i draw stark contrast to my life here at this desk. am im in the cycle already? forever cast to be a part of this world? this cultures world. this society’s world? i feel so trapped. where has the freedom gone/. in these thoughts, thinking them, they come and go before i have chance to really think them, a chance to remember them, to record them for further thought. so far past, recording the fading trail….

every day i work, every day i dig. the whole of my life. the whole deeper into this lifestyle. this world culture. each day i acquire a bigger piece. an inch deeper inside i travel. by my choice alone the exit must exist. we must always be aware. must see this. the single light. the choice to take. the choice to make.

as i work and acquire more stuff, more money, i guess it makes it harder to break and live free, without the rules imposed from money. and all that lies with it. the social culture that encompass this medium.

to live free in a forest. on an island. a distant farm. to construct my own day. my own life.

this i must carefully weigh against the cost of living under this current wildlife. is their an optimal solution i ask myself. can i take what i require, what i guess is just what i want. can i take this and live it in my own world?.

what am i not seeing? the current plan is to work to the exit. move in just enough, and at that self taught pinnacle, work out. move in just far enough that the return trip would be at maxim of my efforts. not to expend the ends on the means. this would enable a balance., half in half out.  a multi year cycle.

but the system is clever. it makes ties. it dosent want us to leave. the hooks are deep. the strength we must posess to give it all away. to realise all we really need. all we really need.

but how. how. why? the real questions few. the answers though many, are few.