but how?

sitting at my desk on a friday afternoon i cant help but feel a little depressed. there is a container box just on the opposite desk, on used for moving stuff. it has a sign on it saying …’failure to return this container weill incur a charge of $85′. now, i cant help but think where this has come from. and if someone did pay for this 85$? maby the box was given away after it lived out its usefulness? it not, it is currently on loan? it dosent seem like it. maby someone just took it, and from then on its just been passed around from this to that, cleverly disguising the trail. will they ever get their money? how? sure they could sue someone/ but really.

in a way this kinda depress me, i think of all the free people out there. the people that would not borrow the box or pay the 85$ if it gets lost. and i draw stark contrast to my life here at this desk. am im in the cycle already? forever cast to be a part of this world? this cultures world. this society’s world? i feel so trapped. where has the freedom gone/. in these thoughts, thinking them, they come and go before i have chance to really think them, a chance to remember them, to record them for further thought. so far past, recording the fading trail….

every day i work, every day i dig. the whole of my life. the whole deeper into this lifestyle. this world culture. each day i acquire a bigger piece. an inch deeper inside i travel. by my choice alone the exit must exist. we must always be aware. must see this. the single light. the choice to take. the choice to make.

as i work and acquire more stuff, more money, i guess it makes it harder to break and live free, without the rules imposed from money. and all that lies with it. the social culture that encompass this medium.

to live free in a forest. on an island. a distant farm. to construct my own day. my own life.

this i must carefully weigh against the cost of living under this current wildlife. is their an optimal solution i ask myself. can i take what i require, what i guess is just what i want. can i take this and live it in my own world?.

what am i not seeing? the current plan is to work to the exit. move in just enough, and at that self taught pinnacle, work out. move in just far enough that the return trip would be at maxim of my efforts. not to expend the ends on the means. this would enable a balance., half in half out.  a multi year cycle.

but the system is clever. it makes ties. it dosent want us to leave. the hooks are deep. the strength we must posess to give it all away. to realise all we really need. all we really need.

but how. how. why? the real questions few. the answers though many, are few.

the bleak morning

I guess this is really just a personality blog, so i figure that means i can write about my day.

yes.

i think that sounds right.
well, in a few weeks i will be moving to my new job, as a systems management specialist, part of a team called 'tools'. this will provide me with an environment where i can thrive. it will no longer be the death of freedom and motivation by the you weren't wrong? prove it, creed. a simple theme that spreads dis-loyalty and breeds restlessness. that saps the life force from your soul, the motivation right from your very core. so as i sit here on this bleak monday, with these ominous low hanging clouds, these brooding skys, this darkness that refuses to shift, although continues to, yet again, send us forth into the day with an ever present chill, i wait. i sit in anticipation. clinging to the few shards of sanity that i still possess.

and in the all

and so I dont know what that means either. and i have been busy lately, as i have just got a new job, well, ive just accepted the new job, i havnt moved yet. and its not really a move, its more of a shuffle. to a …gosh. so not talking about work.

 i refuse.

let it be refused.  the refusal shall march! no more capatialist fury. this is the future. neo-movementalist. let it ride people. let go.

and in that i do. . justsaywhen.wordpress.com 

the birth of just say when

so ever had tabasco? (which from now on we will refrence as the t-word) yes? hot? aww really? the sauce known as the t-word is rated at about 2500 scovilles. 

so making the long story short, we have a bottle of 'daves insanity sauce, reserve edition'. its from the states. it cost us a cool 100$. its quite hot. 

oh and by hot i mean its 500,000 scovilles.

Anyway, so at the time, we decided to launch our collective flat blog. We have been kicking the idea around a while and yer, the video we got of dinz eating a teaspoon of the above mentioned sauce would be the perfect first post.

 so check back soon folks, and there should be a link to it around here somewhere.

 the content you ask?, well, over basically our whole lives, there has been this theme, what is the theme you ask?. wow. let me get to it please.

the theme runs along the lines of: more is funny. (and my writing isnt, so bare with me)

so without further adue, im off to make the site.  because, basically, more is really funny. and hell, we have lots of really funny things.
ps. im putting in an order for the 'no one reads my blog' t-shirt tonite.

how fitting you say? yer, you would wouldnt you. bastard.

looking back

last night Melony and I went out for dinner and then to watch a movie at the local cinema. a wonderfully freezing night it was aswell. the restruant was full of patrons hulling around the tables strategically placed around the house heaters. in this small almost corner asianesk dwelling. of course having both stops no more than a short jump from out front door made things very convient, although my date spared no expences and we were dressed to the nines. bravo i would say. but i think it was a little too cold.

the flick was french. drawing contrast to a mans love for classical panio with his life of crime. it was also screening from the vogue suite. bravo! (although i didnt say that.) roman was his name. 

oh wednesday of death

and now shes tellin me she'll have mah baby!

well no, not really. but its a good song.

so as another day is ripped from me, i sit here quietly reflecting. what have i gained. how have i progressed. and i think to myself. well, i have read. is that moving? is that more than the slow decay? enough to counter this opressive weight?

i guess the answer lies in the reaction to the content. what can i take away and be left with after the haze dies down. the initial cloud of thought. of inaction. will it be lasting will it stay will it last through the fire of every instant of life…

now

this is not my life. i refuse to believe this. this is what my body is doing today, but this is not my life. i will not look back and remember this. i will not be defined by circumstances. i am trapped physically, but i am not really there. they look and they see and they are happy. but i am far away. their metal and plastics cannot contain me.

though seeping in i cannot resist the death. it moves slowly but oh so complete.

the poison digs deep, so much so it becomes indistinguishable. filtering my every move, my every action, each thought, each feeling.

first post

so yer, i thought i would move up to a real blog, after a little work over at my web site: rek.artificial.net.nz, which is greatfully hosted by lithia, (who has the main site there).(and 'site'). anyways, i dont really have the drive at the moment to turn it into what i really want it to become one day, so im taking the wide road and becomming a wordpress0r. anyway, heres to the future and seeking reality. whooo ooo00ooo ooo /waves both hands. whoo woooooo o00ooo wooooo00.