at night.

late ish. sitting in my quiet room. the house is asleep. soothingly listening to rain fall onto the roof, the emphasis from my sky window thing. all is dark. my only light emitting from the corner where this computer it. sitting curled up in a ball, typing away.

thoughts from my last day at datacom

everyone is being extra nice.

i got taken out to coffee and a bottle of wine and a giant (although relatively empty)  card.

im sad at losing my work music playlist. it only has 2959 songs on it, but it has been about a year in the building. just flicking through now and i love every song that it randomly falls on. it is balanced so well. lots of smiths and morrissey, a heavy proportion of metal mixed with lots of pumpkins and pixies, while being intersected with works from chopin to wagner to orignal eairly 90’s metal. let alone the skinny puppy to distillers additions.

it all has been slowly bought in from home, which is quite a cool way to do it. for at home i normally just listen to albums etc selected from a playlist containing everything in my library. hopefully i can devise a system that would allow for many smaller random collections.

other things i will miss:

emporio being 20 meters away. its so nice to be able to walk into the coffee shop in the morning, sit down and have then just bring you a coffee. its more amusing when gavin, my workmate, walks in and the guy has to ask him ‘one or two?’.

ahh having a morning routine. coming in, checking your dailys (del.icio.us\rekarnar\daily), implementing the soultion to the problem you were stuck on at cob that you solved in your sleep or in the shower or some such and then moving into the rest of the days dev. balancing the urge to check the ten other webcomics or news site/blogs that you know you have to read sometime soon between finishing the current algorithm your coding before you lose the flow.

free friday lunches! today is subway, last week was pizza. beer and wine at 4. donuts on mondays. ahh you are looked after in the corporate world. feed them inhouse that way they will not take a lunch break and will get right back to work. the cost of lunch eaisly balances out the extra 30-60mins work you get from employees.

adrift in the sea of this life. letting go, very exciting. oh where will it take me. fittingly current music: Wagner – The Ride of the Valkyries. very epic.

ahhh and in speaking of that. i just got a call from avatar. right this second. they have work for me on monday, my was to be first day of un-empolyment. maby im ment to be an actor 😉 loal.

hrm.. ok desk cleaned. all the stuff i needed backed up to my ipod. random bits of paper i want in my bag. i think im ready to leave. ill stay around for drinks at 4 and maby a good by or two. there is some people i will miss my casual acquaintance with (most likely at least ;).

what a life changing few days eh. also last night my flatmates found an awesome house to move into. so chances are we’ll all be moving in a few weeks. wow. lyall bay so im told. what an enthralling trip life is.

“I’ll show you what he did, But I won’t take the credit, It’s not mine anyway, I just held the pen that day” – Flyleaf.

such a spectrum of emotions you can feel at once eh.

also. how amazing is water? not sure? well then ill tell you. its pretty damn amazing!!!

rawrr

ok just applied for a job. it really is quite scary. i suddenly feel so inadequate. guess i cant do anything about that now tho. time to wait.

note: still dislike cv’s, the archaic ‘present a person on paper’. although i cannot find a better more efficient soultion for mass application.

—EDIT—

haha that was quick:

Hello

Thank you for submitting your resume to us.

Unfortunately your application for this vacancy has been unsuccessful. In this instance other candidates’  details more closely matched our client’s requirements.

Thank you for putting yourself forward.
Juana

and that is all

I could see the reflection in the tears
That made their way down Your face
Onto the ground I kneel upon
They form a river that overtakes me
Compassion envelops me

from zao. track one. where blood and fire bring rest.

the world: all mixed up

you see, i either want to work on cutting edge technology, as in ajax dev, or to learn truth. im so sick of this crap i do at work. the moving around of ones and zeros. the learning of some old software to do some boring job. oh sure it may very well need to be done, to keep the world revolving and all. yes totally. but TENNIS BALLS OH DANG its boring!!!

i wonder if everyone just did a job that they thought was awesome, if everything would get done? if there is someone for each of the jobs in the world that needs doing and its just that we’re all in the wrong order, doing someone else’s job.

…but then i remember how boring this is and doubt.

restless again

im feeling weird, a little nostalgic, a little emotional. a little more and more like i shouldnt be here at work. i have been spending a little time with mel, but i havnt been able to stop thinking about her recently. somehow i feel like a greater love has been poured down on me and now is filtering out through all my feelings. like everytime i pass through brooklyn i cant help but love it. and feel love. the old memories of 185 ohiro. the pain of remembering times so good. of knowing they are in the past. the bleak now, i feel so restless, like if i keep on this path i will explode. all i can do is thank God for what he has given me, and where i am being lead. i must just do what i can. for this second, i think that means stopping writing, since this is getting me no where, on to work now, to do the little i can, hopefully for some greater good.

home, something, home.

so back home now, one day i might post some more stuff about the trip, i did write a bit while traveling, and also some more when i got home. im feeling rather weird now tho, a little out of place. everything seems a little enchanced. im not sure weither its from the change of getting back home and into the work routine, or the chance to relax and pray and spend some time reading the scriptures again. i feel it might be a bit of both.

i think its reslessness im feeling, a need to get something done. i might of been complacent, really now i do feel an urgency, maby not in the global sense yet, but locally, yes.  like a drive to do something for something, for a greater cause. not just action for action. a piece in the greater plan. i feel as though something needs to be done. thought out, made.

i just got a gmail from mck, linking me to the new sp song played at the frist orange peel show. going to watch that now.

life currently

im not sure if i have anything to day. i guess thats what the web really needs more of eh? people with nothing to say, but all the means in the world to say it. i feel the strain of the cubicle lifestyle around me, pressuring me to do something, just like them, something useful. something that can be called my job. me personally, i like to read about stuff, and maby even do some learning. on my timesheet i accredit lots of my hours to ‘research’. nobody notices, nobody really cares. well, no office people. yesterday morning i got an email telling me that a day i filled out a complex work day for was actually a public holiday. i sometimes get the keeping up appearances feeling. maby im comming to the end of my office life. or maby im just needing an outlet from creative energys that i cannot use when inbetween projects. when doing things that i know other people can do better. thats one things that really gets to me actually. the mis-allocation of resources. man, if you have someone good at something, use it. i guess that is a little biased as i do some stuff that i really dont like that the guy next to me is really good at. and that sure, yer, hes really busy and stuff, but still. i can allow it to skew my opinion right? sometime i get the feeling that if i ever read what i write it goingto make no sense and be jumping all over theplace. not that it bothers me, this is a nice vent. maby i should just make it private tagged, as to stop the impeeding waste of time anyone might suffer if they ever accedently read this. ahh vlogs finished downloading. time to watch the news..

thought progression

i find that in the normal day to day like i just seem to coast along. sure i think and create and solve problems, but i really tend to make no real humandevelopment. no real progression of my self. towards a more conscious thinking person. now thinking this i find that this is thought progression, the very such that i am writing about and come to realise that all is needed is a few minutes pure thinking time each day. i really have been telling myself this for years, but in practice its quite hard, as living and doing seem to becontrary. i need to just stop, or be alone, and or in an intellectual conversation. and just think. to evolve. to progress as a person. i guess this blog really helps for that, that is whenever i get a chance to write, or when ever i make the time. since i cant really blame external sources. since my time is notefficiently used 100% percent, so therefore taking 5 or 10 minutes to write this is just making time that i would of otherwise not noticed or just plainly wasted. one mustalways be moving forwards. stagnation is decline.

work.

innonvation stiffled at every turn. exclusion. the work of inferior problems behind your back. unwilling to look, to turn their head. to glance in your direction to glimse the possibility that there is another way. its vile. my blood boils.