restless again

im feeling weird, a little nostalgic, a little emotional. a little more and more like i shouldnt be here at work. i have been spending a little time with mel, but i havnt been able to stop thinking about her recently. somehow i feel like a greater love has been poured down on me and now is filtering out through all my feelings. like everytime i pass through brooklyn i cant help but love it. and feel love. the old memories of 185 ohiro. the pain of remembering times so good. of knowing they are in the past. the bleak now, i feel so restless, like if i keep on this path i will explode. all i can do is thank God for what he has given me, and where i am being lead. i must just do what i can. for this second, i think that means stopping writing, since this is getting me no where, on to work now, to do the little i can, hopefully for some greater good.

life currently

im not sure if i have anything to day. i guess thats what the web really needs more of eh? people with nothing to say, but all the means in the world to say it. i feel the strain of the cubicle lifestyle around me, pressuring me to do something, just like them, something useful. something that can be called my job. me personally, i like to read about stuff, and maby even do some learning. on my timesheet i accredit lots of my hours to ‘research’. nobody notices, nobody really cares. well, no office people. yesterday morning i got an email telling me that a day i filled out a complex work day for was actually a public holiday. i sometimes get the keeping up appearances feeling. maby im comming to the end of my office life. or maby im just needing an outlet from creative energys that i cannot use when inbetween projects. when doing things that i know other people can do better. thats one things that really gets to me actually. the mis-allocation of resources. man, if you have someone good at something, use it. i guess that is a little biased as i do some stuff that i really dont like that the guy next to me is really good at. and that sure, yer, hes really busy and stuff, but still. i can allow it to skew my opinion right? sometime i get the feeling that if i ever read what i write it goingto make no sense and be jumping all over theplace. not that it bothers me, this is a nice vent. maby i should just make it private tagged, as to stop the impeeding waste of time anyone might suffer if they ever accedently read this. ahh vlogs finished downloading. time to watch the news..

looking back

last night Melony and I went out for dinner and then to watch a movie at the local cinema. a wonderfully freezing night it was aswell. the restruant was full of patrons hulling around the tables strategically placed around the house heaters. in this small almost corner asianesk dwelling. of course having both stops no more than a short jump from out front door made things very convient, although my date spared no expences and we were dressed to the nines. bravo i would say. but i think it was a little too cold.

the flick was french. drawing contrast to a mans love for classical panio with his life of crime. it was also screening from the vogue suite. bravo! (although i didnt say that.) roman was his name.